I started bleeding again last night.
When you start seeing bright red blood coming from a place you don't want it to come from, things become really scary. Last night I felt scared, frustrated, and maybe even a little angry. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, thinking that any moment I was going to start cramping. It's been harder this time, trying to hold on to the hope of having this child. I feel some bitterness that we have so many complications with trying to bring a child into this world. Why can't it just work RIGHT!? I know the Lord has his purposes, and that He understands everything that's going on, but it doesn't make it easy for me... because I have no idea what is going on. And I think I want to know. I was thinking this morning that I wished I could just know if this child was going to stay with us or not, but stopped myself before I prayed it out loud, thinking that... no, I really don't want to know, because where is the growth and understanding in having it made so simple.
Last night I was talking with my sister-in-law who is a few months farther ahead in her pregnancy. She struggled with morning sickness and she was expressing how she is glad that part is over. I'm pretty lucky there, because I don't have problems with morning sickness at all. As long as I eat when I'm supposed to, I don't even experience nausea... which is great. No, my problem is much worse.... I bleed all the time. At least every time you get sick, your not thinking, "am I going to miscarry?" Not that I want to have the morning sickness... and I would never wish constant bleeding, spotting, and bloodclot lose on any other pregnant woman. It's just stressful. It sucks.
How do you continue to hope for one of the thing you want more than anything else when the path is so dark? I wish My Katie was here... Girl, I need your shoulder to cry on.
Jan 4th - Day 4
8 years ago
I am so sorry that is your challenge. Eventhough I have rough pregnancy, I don't have that worry. I hope all goes well. We pray for you both. But I am in awe of you and your strength. Love you.
If you didn't have that fear, worry and frustration I don't think that you would be human. I've always wondered why some have to struggle while others it comes so simply. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You have so many around you that pray for you and your little one and your husband. Every day is a gift, and we never know what tomorrow brings. I guess you realize that's a gift in itself. I think the Lord knows that it's better not to know what the future holds. My loss was so early in my pregnancy I didn't have time to bond with the little one inside me... but the loss after that of not being able to have anymore children was a challenge. I understand only a little of what you are going through. Christy our thoughts and prayers go out to you and stephen... You are so strong, hold on to that and stay strong.
I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time again. I will continue praying for your family! We are not dealt things that we can't handle with the Lord on our side - you can make it through this no matter the outcome, just think the best!
I'm sorry :( Here's a hug! That is so stinky that the bleeding returned. I think you have had enough ups and downs already. Pregnancy is scary and worrisome. I kept thinking that only once babies are born healthy can you feel relieved...but really a mother's worry never goes away. It is just part of being a loving mom, you are just getting lots of early practice. Hang in there. I am thinking of you.
Christy, we love you and are thinking of you all the time if you need anything please call. I love that you have such faith and a wonderful outlook.We'll keep praying. I'm glad that you can Blogg about your feeling and not keep them inside or try to hold it together while you have to tell someone.Again anything you need call.
Sorry it took me so long to catch up on my reading. No fear baby girl... you have the gospel. I love you.
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