Today was Joshua's 2nd Birthday.
I'm not sure if it should be strange that I've been looking forward to this day for a few weeks. I made plans to go with my best friend Katie to go pick up some flowers and go up to the cemetary. Last year I went alone... it was great to go with someone this year who was there for me when I was pregnant and when we lost Joshie.
Our trip to the cemetary turned out to be quite the adventure. I took some gardening tools, warm water, soap, and some cloths so that I could clean up the marker and cut the grass around it. The cemetary tends to not cut the grass very low or often where the babies lay because the markers in that area unlevel and can damage the mowers and the markers. When we got to the cemetary, we found that ALL the sprinklers were on. Lucky for us the one nearby Josh was busted, so it didn't go any where near us. There was another one near by that was trying it's hardest to attack us... but Katie kept an eye out on it while I trimmed up the grass and washed the marker. She would keep walking back and forth turning the sprayer so it would have to rotate the same spot over and over and helping me clean up grass from Joshua's marker. At one point she yelled out something... might have been MOVE. She had looked up and realized a sprinkler 30 feet away was coming our way, and we jumped up and ran before it sprayed us, then walked back over to finish up our work. We were laughing a lot... we had a great time and the flowers are beautiful.
Sometimes I do feel sad that we don't have our little boy. Especially when I look at other children that are around the age he would have been. I will often compare them and think to myself... this is how big Joshua would have been if he was here now or these might have been some of the words he would have learned and have been saying. That part makes me sad...
but, it's not depressing, which I'm grateful for. Makes me thankful for the gospel and the knowledge I have. I love truth... I wish more people would seek for it and find it. It's so much more peaceful than the darkness that blinds the eyes and hearts of the world.
I know how you feel though its taken me a little longer to come to that realization. I miss carried 4 years ago and I often think of how old my child would have been and what that child would be doing or acting!
You are truely an inspiration to me. You are so strong in the gospel and I am grateful to have you as a friend. :)
Isn't the gospel GREAT! His grave is beautiful. I have not seen it since the day of the funeral.
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