This past Friday evening, it was brought to my attention that individuals within my family are angry and/or very unhappy with the things I wrote about my father Jack in my previous posting.
It has been a challenge for me to work through the muddled emotions I feel towards Jack and I wrote what I did as an outlet to those confused and hurt feelings. Many people know that I am extremely open and expressive about the things that I feel. There are only a few things in life that I keep to myself or a few select people. I would even say that I enjoy writing about the things that I go through, good or bad, so that others can participate along with me.
In writing the post about Jack, I have caused myself a more immense amount of grief and confusion because of the feelings of my family and it has been an extremely heavy burden. At first I was defensive in my thoughts, thinking that it is unfair to me to be judged on the things that I feel. In the past 3 days, I have spent a lot of time thinking, praying, searching answers from the scriptures, and have sought counsel and understanding from a few loving family members. I will state now, and hope that my family will understand that it was not my intention in any way to cause angry or hurt feelings with the things that I wrote. I sincerely apologize for any ill feelings I have caused to anyone in my family.
With my formal apology said, I will go on further and try to explain a little. This has been a very hard trial... so confusing. I have received both support for my post, and rebuttal, which has added to my frustration and confusion. It has been hard for me to get to a point where I could apologize with sincerity... as you can see, it has taken all weekend. As far as I can discern, here is where I went wrong.
First, this post should not have been written publicly and was more appropriate for my personal journal. At least, many portions of it. I will be taking out what is not appropriate for individuals outside of my family to know. And although the damage is done for those who have already read it, this is the best that I can do in order to make restitution, and will prevent anyone else from being able to read the post in it's entirety.
Next... I was selfish in my thoughts and took no concern for the life and experiences of those mentioned within the post. And though I was not intentionally trying to demonize, defame, or put down, in the eyes of others, that is exactly what took place. I like to think that I do not see myself as better than others because of my choices or others choices... but it has become apparent that my behavior and words may express otherwise.
Also, it was pointed out to me that my post may be seen as disrespecting of the dead. I am unsure how to respond to this other than to express my own feelings on the matter. Jack is gone... but he is only gone physically. He is still living. The things that he and I have to work out, will be worked out when it is my time to return to the spiritual realm. I am positive that we will have many conversations together about the why's and what's about our relationship and together, through the Atonement of our Savior, be able to forgive and understand. But for now, the things that I expressed still stand. That's how I feel and I will make no apology for those feelings other than to say sorry for being a human being and prone to carnal complications such as jealousy, anger, and pride.
With all this said, I believe my greatest offense has been that of a bad example. In our society, it has become common and acceptable to express our negative feelings towards others publicly. So, in a way, this goes back to my first explanation of writing such things in a personal journal rather than a public forum. I have not done what I have covenanted to do, and that is, "Remember Christ." This I am deeply sorry for and is my main motivation for restitution. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), I (and other memebers) am often judged more harshly than others in our common Christian based community, because of our high standards. This can often be a frustrating burden. In spite of our desire to live very high standards, we are no less prone to the temptations of the carnal man then the next Tom, Dick, or Harry. I find it rather frustrating that when I make a mistake, individuals will blame my behavior on my membership in the church and henceforth cast a bad view on the LDS religion as a whole. I am a better person because of my membership in the LDS religion, and am only able to overcome my own faults and have the strength to apologize because of it's teachings which are the teachings of a loving and just Savior, Jesus Christ.
Again, I am sorry to cause my family further grief during this time of loss. Sincerely and with love, Christy May
Today Abby and I went with Jenn and Bailey Sadler, and Nicole Anderson (Jenn's sister) to Andelin Family Farm. They have a pumpkin patch as well as some really neat activities. There were quite a few farm animals. The girls really enjoyed feeding the goats. We also got to see a llama, yak, pigs, and a very large dog. I thought this was a neat shot of the girls. We were standing around in the pumpkin patch. Abby decided that this was absolutely the pumpkin she wanted. She was a little frustrated by the fact that it was still attached to a vine. She carried her pumpkin around for a little bit. She was so adorable. We went on the hayride. Nicole took a picture of us together... pretty good too. I find it sad that we don't get many good shots of us together. What a great mug shot... who knew my child was wanted by the law!! There was a neat maze made out of hay bales. The girls really enjoyed running around and it was fun watching them negotiate their way through. One of the coolest things was a huge box filled with feed (dried corn). There were buckets, shovels, and dump trucks. The girls loved it so much and Jenn and I thought it would be a great idea to do this at home. There was also a big red barn set up with Halloween costumes for dress up and a large coloring station. What a great day!
Last night, after our walk, we hung out in the yard for little while. I figured it was a good time to introduce Abby to the joy a pile of leaves can bring. So, Abby played around in the yard while I raked up a nice pile. At first she wasn't sure what to think... she just stared at me. Then she decided that the leaves needed to be moved to the sidewalk, so she started making her own pile. Here she is handing me a leaf. This is her sign for airplane... though she usually uses both arms. She just started this on Sunday. I pushed her in the pile. I think this is my favorite photo for the evening. Enjoying the leaves. We went on a walk around the block and we stopped to smell the roses.
Today, Abby and I went to London's birthday party. We had such a blast. There were lots of kids, lots of balloons, and a very kid friendly cat. Here is the Birthday girl! Abby was so excited about a balloon that was flying in the air. She had a lot of fun playing with London's toys, her cat, and the other kids. It was a really great day for a birthday party. I think my favorite part was the magician... he was so great! The cake and decorations were amazing too! Happy Birthday London!
This weekend is the 180th Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love conference and really look forward to it every six months. The first session today was really amazing. It's such a cozy day. We get to relax in our own home and stream the broadcast through the internet. I love to stay in my jammies and bring down my pillow and blanket and post myself on the couch. Abby stayed pretty well entertained. She spent a lot of the time scribbling on a conference coloring book I printed out for her. Every once in a while she would come over to hand me pencils or want to sit in my lap. I love the special feeling of sacredness that comes into our home when we play conference. I've tried very hard today to do things that are worthy of that spirit. There were so many great talks today. It brings a great satifisfaction to know that my little Abby girl is going to grow up in a home where General Conference is highly valued. It's so important for her to learn righteous behavior through our examples. And the more I hear from our leaders of the importance of teaching our children the gospel, the more dedicated I feel. One of the quotes I wrote down today was, "The world will teach our children if we don't." That is certainly, not what I want for our family. I feel so grateful that we have a prophet on the earth today and grateful that I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel.
Abby has some great organization skills! I love it. A few days ago I gave her a cup to play with and today she decided she wanted to put her pencils in it. I was sitting on the couch working on something and I realzied she was making her concentration noise. She was placing her pencils in the cup one at a time. At first, she was picking them up one at a time too, but then decided to pick up the rest and then put them in the cup one at a time. This child amazes me everyday! Abby... you are so stinkin cute!
Once again, this blog has been the neglected red headed step child. I am going to start fresh from today so that you can see what is going on in our lives now, but I will post some 2010 flashbacks to tell you about the things that have happened since March. This is a picture of Abby and I taken a few weeks ago. Enjoy!
This little girl of ours is too stinkin cute for her own good! As Steve likes to say... unauthorized levels of cuteness! Well, Abby is 9 months now... where has the time gone? Our little baby is going to be a year old in 3 quick months. I'm already planning out her birthday party in my head. Here is what Abby is doing now.... She:
Crawls :) (although, she drags one leg underneath) She walks assisted Can feed herself small pieces of food Prefers eating food from my plate rather than jarred food Enjoys bread, avocado, and strawberries the most Is proficient at grabbing and dropping things Doesn't like things to be taken away Gets angry Sleeps 6 hours a few nights a week Occasionally drinks 5-6 oz bottles Likes to chew on socks Realized that she can play in the bath water Understands that she can sit up on her own Jabbers a lot Knows when I'm trying to fool her into taking something else
Abby and I had a very nice visit with Steve last month. We were gone for 2 weeks... did you miss us? There really wasn't much that went on while we were in NC, but we did get to do a couple of cool things. Here is Abby at the Raleigh Durham Airport. We had to wait an hour before daddy could get there. Traffic was pretty tight and it was very windy that day, so it made his hour and twenty min drive a bit longer.
On the way to Fayetteville, we passed a Cracker Barrell and stopped at the second one to eat. It's one of my favorite dine's, so it was nice of Steve to recommend that for a late dinner. I snapped a couple of picks of Abby and Daddy while we were waiting for our dinner. Abby has graduated to more solid foods. Daddy is trying his hand at feeding the Abbigator and Alligator Pear (a cool name for avocado). It was amusing to watch how Steve would try to feed her. I think he made more of a mess than Abby. I don't get to take a lot of pics of Steve... mostly because he loathes taking pictures. Sometimes he's a good sport, like in this photo! This is probably one of the best pics of him I've ever taken. I love that red shirt! I spent a lot of time watching cable. We don't have it at home, so when I'm around it, I lose control. I especially love the Food Network... I could keep it on that channel all day! In fact, I did more than once. Abby is really into pulling herself up to a standing position as well as bouncing up and down... this is one of those moments. And another one of those moments! We spent a 3 or 4 nights gaming at Jane and JT's, friends of Steve. It was a lot of fun! I love this picture.... Abby has a cute little tushie. We were supposed to go out to the coast for the holiday weekend, but the weather was bad, so we stayed in Fayetteville. We went to Carraba's for our Valentine's Day dinner... a place we both love to eat. The waitress gave Abby a pretty fascinating toy. She was fixated on it for quite a while. I tried to take as many pictures of Abby and Steve as I could. I think it's becoming pretty obvious that this little baby is a Daddy's girl. She sure brightens up when he is around! Steve worries that she doesn't know or remember him now that he's gone a lot. But I can tell she recognizes him. She definatly behaves differently around him than she does other people she is held by. For now, there is still no one like Momma, but she really enjoys playing with Daddy. Daddy does all the cool stuff with Abby. I had the opportunity to attend our Heritage Makers Regionals in Raleigh the second weekend we were there. I usually go to Phoenix since that is where my team is, but this saved me a plane ticket! I missed my friends, but I made some new ones. This is a photo with Patti Gardner, our Director of Sales on the left and Hallie Redd, one of our few Executive Consultants.. she is top in Sponsoring. There were only 20 or so people in attendance, so it was very intimate. I learned a lot of great things I will be applying to help my business grow and we got to see all the great new things Heritage Makers is going to be putting out this year! I love my business! The last Sunday, we took a walk in Fayetteville. This was a really nice activity... and something that I will make a seperate post for in the next couple of days. This picture was taken at the end of our walk. I wanted to take a few pictures of Steve holding Abby while he was wearing his uniform. I was bummed that I couldn't get the settings on my camera right for the lighting, but if I had taken a moment to mess with it, Steve would decide he was done... so, substandard photo's. :P I liked this one the best though... the two of them looking at each other, so endearing! Steve spent time teaching Abby to walk with assistance. It's something he has done since she has been interested in standing... which was since 3 months old. When I had gotten back from Regionals the first night, Steve had her run over to me! I laughed so hard... it was one of the greatest moments of my life! Abby found the butter. Steve said, "She's her mother's daughter". So true! We visited with Jenn and Kennedi. My cousin John's wife and daughter. Jenn hosted a workshop for me while I was there, and she also had Abby and I over for dinner one night. She made wonderful spaghetti with amazing garlic bread. She was kind enough to lend us a bumbo, a jumperoo, and some toys for Abby. Abby is such a pro at flying. I get a lot of compliments on how good of a baby she is. It's a lot of work keeping her entertained or trying to put her to sleep on the plane, but we do ok. It makes for a long day though. We miss Steve, but I'm glad to be home.
I am a Hoosier girl living in Reno, NV. I LOVE and LIVE the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Here are a few other things about myself: The only part of the Sunday Paper I read is the Funnies, I hate cleaning, but Love to clean when listening to Prarie Home Companion, Heavenly Father speaks to me through Fortune Cookies, I am a sucker for a love story, my favorite part of a movie is when the couple kiss for the first time at the end.
Behold now, I do not say that these things shall be, of myself, because it is not of myself that I know these things; but behold, I know that these things are true because the Lord God has made them known unto me, therefore I testify that they shall be.